It's Friday. Sex?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
