his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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