Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
