i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The air was thick with penises
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
