i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
