I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
