So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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