Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
