i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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