I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I understand Curling. That high.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
