No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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