I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
