I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
