so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
