sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
