I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
