I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
