i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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