don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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