loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
