I think I won the penis lottery.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
what day is it and did you see me today?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
