Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
