It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
