Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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