I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
