In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
