I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
