Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
