dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
