Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
