Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Operation Purity has been aborted
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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