she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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