Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
