Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
