I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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