Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
