What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
