A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
