So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
