I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
