I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Mom said you looked used
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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