Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
