You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
