Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
