my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
