need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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