You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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