shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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