youre lurking in front of me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
