I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
