Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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