What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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