where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
