My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
