You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize