I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
