Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
