dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
be right there i have to get my cape
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
