He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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