Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
