i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
