Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
