put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You ate ashes out of my bong
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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