forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
