YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
as a side note pls kill me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
