Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize