I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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