Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
