I will die if light touches me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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