We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
